Divorce and affair: If you are deciding whether to divorce your spouse because he or she had an extramarital affair you are not alone. One of the major causes of divorce is that an affair occurred. Affairs within a marriage are devastating and can cause a marriage to crumble.
You may be feeling distance between yourself and your mate and wondering what does having an affair mean?
You may have been suspicious for months and looked for signs of an affair. Or maybe you had no clue about it and found out through an email, phone, or credit card statement. I am sure none of that matters to you at the moment.
I have spent many years dealing with people who were cheated on and no matter how they found out, it was always devastating. It turns your life upside down. It makes you feel that your marriage of 5,10 or 25 years was a complete lie. You don't know who or what to believe anymore.
So the question is:
Where do you go from here?
Do you confront the affair? And if so, how do you confront it?
Those of you who have been cheated on feel devastated and completely humiliated. This response is absolutely normal given your circumstances. Many couples do recover from affairs and develop thriving relationships.
Surviving an affair is possible and does happen for many couples. If this is a one time event you should at least give it a chance.
If you feel that divorce after an affair is the only answer, then you have to make that choice. The ability to gain back the love and the trust you once shared may be gone, never to return. And it is not unusual to feel this way. There are many reasons as to why a spouse becomes unfaithful as each situation is unique. But two of the most common occurrences I find are:
1) There are major problems in the marriage and this is one spouses way of silently screaming "our marriage needs help!!!"
So there are always other ways. Divorce is not the only answer. Couples do overcome infidelity. Find a counselor who specializes in marriage counseling or try my ebook called "Marriage Repair After an Affair". I developed a step-by-step system to help you work through your feelings and get your marriage back on track.
Some couples do divorce after one of them cheats. But I have seen many couples overcome the infidelity. Many couples grow and thrive in their marriage as a result of an unfaithful spouse. "Divorce and Affair" are two words that do not necessarily have to go together.
Forgiving and forgetting infidelity is never, ever, an easy task. But it can and has been done. And I have helped couples take this travesty and turn it into a growth experience with an even better marriage. Finding a good marriage counselor is key to regaining trust and rebuilding your marriage after an affair.
Unfortunately this is not true of every marriage. Sometimes too much damage has been done, there has been too much hurt, lies and pain to overcome the infidelity. Divorce seems imminent. If this is where you are at, then this website should be helpful in dealing with different emotional aspects of divorce and affairs.
**This article was written by Melanie Cohn LMSW, a psychotherapist who specializes in relationship issues, infidelity, and divorce. If you live in the metro Detroit area are looking for counseling click here.