Most parents worry endlessly about how divorce will affect their children. I have seen many parents stay in their unhappy marriages for this reason alone. Questions such: “as how will my divorce affect my children?” and “how will custody issues be addressed?
Or if you have older children you may ask:
“Will my teenager hate me forever?” The reality is while divorce is painful and feelings of loss and sadness will emerge, most children will recover and function fine after their parents divorce. What's important is to recognize some of the typical problems that may arise and address them head on.
Don't let your child become a messenger
Relaying messages to your ex through your children is typical when exes have residual anger and have a hard time talking to each other. Asking your children to carry messages is detrimental to your children in many ways. Kids feel uncomfortable asking the other for things that should be discussed between their parents. They often feel caught in the middle and this can make them feel depressed or angry.
Try thinking about times you have asked your child to "tell your father you need money for school pictures" or "let you mother know I am going to drop you off an hour later on Sunday". How do you think this makes your child feel? They don't want to hear the anger and resentment from the other parent either, so try not to put them in this position.
Always go to the other parent first. It is difficult and often lead to fighting, try using email. Email is a good way to avoid arguments and just focus on the specific issues on hand.
If you are struggling with divorce related issues and live in the Detroit metro area contact me so we can get you on a happier healthier path. Because if you are happy and have worked through the difficulties of your divorce, your children will be happier too.